#2 Dave Barry Talks Back by Dave Barry 1991

At one point, Dave lets lose on the police. They pulled him over one day because his registration had expired to write him a ticket on the side of the road "to avoid getting hit by the steady stream of unlicensed and uninsured motorists driving their stolen cars with their left hands so their right hands would be free to keep their pit bulls from spilling their cocaine all over their machine guns. Not that I'm bitter."
I share some of this same resentment towards roadside policemen. Once I was driving with my father when he spotted a state trooper car. We both glanced at the speedometer and found to our relief that we were going the speed limit. In addition, my father's radar did not go off, so we knew he didn't try to read us. But of course he pulled us over anyway, and had the gall to lie and said we were going over the speed limit. And that is not the worst of my police expirences.
Once when I was really little while I was at my grandmothers house, I fell and hit my head on a brick. We were an hour away from the nearest hospital, so my grandmother (who had not even dared to go past the speed limit) put on her emergency lights, which she mistakenly believed they were for. About ten minutes from the hospital, we were pulled over. My grandmother explained our situation, and instead of giving us a police escourt, like any SANE person would have done, told her to call an ambulence if I needed it that bad. (Hello? She just told you we lived an hour away!!) He let us off with a warning, but stopped us again to tell us her emergency lights were still on. I needed eight stiches to the head, and he still stopped us a second time!
I salute Dave, who immediatly after he got out of traffic court, made an illegal u-turn. Stick it to the man, Dave, stick it to the man.